Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
