guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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