I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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