If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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