literally had 100 drinks last night.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
