That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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