I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
