Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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