why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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