# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
