im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize