cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize