Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize