There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
