i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
two words: eviction party
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
