When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
