Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
