I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
