I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
