her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
