A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
