Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
