There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
