Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
