margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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