I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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