Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
