I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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