At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
In America we eat man semen.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Randomize
