In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize