Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Hippo gnu deer
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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