i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
