when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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