You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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