Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
