We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
And then he peed in my hair
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