What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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