so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
