Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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