hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
