she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
