They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
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