Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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