i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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