We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
