Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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