I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
