I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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