it hurts more in the daytime
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
