Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize