Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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