I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
