i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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