He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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