This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
