also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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