I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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