so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
