Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Everything about him screamed your future.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
