My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You're like the curious george of whores
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
