oh god the rape fog is back!
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
