I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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