I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
