some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
