we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
