I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
