Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
A bitchslap is in order.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
