Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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